i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Randomize
