who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
