You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
