so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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