Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
