M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
