AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
