shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
