don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
