She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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