In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
