that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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