Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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