why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
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