Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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