PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
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