I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
