Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
