Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
