There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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