I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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