party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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