Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
