we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Randomize
