Welp...herpes.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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