shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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