college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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