just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
