Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
