then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
