remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
