I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
