New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
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