it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
