Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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