I'm so fucking centered right now
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Randomize
