Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
