is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
so much tequila, so little girl.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
