If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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