imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
