Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
