yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
