Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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