I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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