My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I need water and some morals
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
