i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Randomize
