So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
