We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
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