My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
