I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
