I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
