wakey wakey hands off snakey
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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