Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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