She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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