I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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